I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
