I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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