I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
