Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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