It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They took my balls.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
