You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
