Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
