Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
