White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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