My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
