what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
