Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
