He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
