I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
