So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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