just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
