I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
