I want to walk on stilts...naked
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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