Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
