Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Randomize
