is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If I die, sorry about rent.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
