How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
