Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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