it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize