I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
