He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
