The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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