we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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