you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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