Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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