end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
