thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize