just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
