my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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