They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
