I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
