Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize