this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
