I wish i was in the wii world.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
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