She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
