she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
