hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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