Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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