Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
