Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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