i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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