she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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