Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
