I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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