Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
