if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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