I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
