she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
