Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
