No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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