Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
