Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Panties = found
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
