I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
