I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am one with the molecules
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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