plz talk dirty to me
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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