Where did you get a picture of my penis
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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