Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
