Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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