And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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