that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
