He uses pillows to masturbate.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
