Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
