I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You made out with two different species that night
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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