i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
