I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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