your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
