I'm so fucking centered right now
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
